At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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