it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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