i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
