fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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