My hand turned me down
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
