Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
