i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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