Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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