Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
