Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
