Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
