I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
