i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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