if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
