but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
