If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am mentally ready for anal.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize