dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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