My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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