I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
