my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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