I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You left your phone here
Wait...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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