You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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