I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
