I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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