Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
