It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
