Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
