last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
