Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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