i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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