I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
