Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
