Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
