im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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