i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
