every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
