nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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