if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never underestimate the power of titties
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
