im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize