U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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