You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
COCAINE IS GR8
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
