What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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