ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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