I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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