Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You need a sexual gate keeper
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
