I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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