And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize