I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
