My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
