We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
