I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to make out with him forever
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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