I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Randomize
