Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
