I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
