Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
