so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
