I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
