He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
