I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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