even my farts smell like vagina
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize