im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
