If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
