so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
