She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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