Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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