Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I supernannyed him into submission
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
