and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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