I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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