Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she smelled like a LAN party
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
