the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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