She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
