if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
