Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
