I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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