why didn't you poke me back
Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
