At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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