So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love you.
Bad choice
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
