if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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