today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
