I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
