sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
