Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
