I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
