Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
