after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
