Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
